the constant battle...

of dark and light... of good and evil... of sad and happy...  of assurance and doubt... of life and death...  you, as a person, are a battlefield every minute of every day...  the stronger survive the battles, grow from them and become wiser and more open to light...  the weaker fall to the dark, live the self-deprecating pseudo-reality, and disconnect from live and loving interaction with the world as it really matters.

the "darkness" is strong in me...  it took years to cultivate the magnitude of the hold it has on my perception of things.  years of not measuring up and not being good enough to one person in my life who matters most... years of trying too hard to build the reality that was not mine...  years of trying to please and fix everybody who crossed my pass just to be "accepted" and fit in within the mold predetermined by society... this hold was to never be broken, or so it seemed...

a stranger gave me a map...  a map that holds a way out of the dark maze of doubt, constant angst, sadness, and self-deprecation...  a map that leads to the light that allows you to feel the souls of the world and touch the energy that is pure, strong and beautiful...  the energy that defines life.  the knowledge of having this map makes the dark fade a bit... it makes you able to stand up to the accusing and diminishing voices in you head...  it reminds you that you are worthy of knowing the light and promotes your ability to cultivate the warmth and care...

the darkness will always be there, we can't get rid of something that is part of our being. it just can't be running the show anymore, and has to stay behind the barbed-wired fence, where it belongs...

fight on!  xo, tk

A promise to myself....

i believe in love...  i believe in the spark that happens, even the momentary one, because that means another soul was meant to enter your atmosphere for one reason or the other...  sometimes the reasons are not clear, but one thing is certain, it was meant to happen.  and that is exactly what i need to remember...  the universe made me the way i am for a reason, and if somebody burnt out in my atmosphere as a falling meteor without hitting the surface, that only means that that person was not meant to make an impact and leave the crater that was to last me a lifetime...  i'll remember and appreciate him as the bright light that he was in my sky for a fleeting moment, but that is all.

we wish on shooting stars.  we wish for better things.  i wish for magic.  i wish for the spark.  i wish for somebody to understand the complexity of me and to embrace the fragile nature of this resilient little beast.  somebody who would want to keep it whole and safe.  so i wish on my latest shooting star (bright and beautiful) and i release my wish to the universe with an open heart...

today i make a promise to myself to look to MY future only and remember that the past is the past, and there is a good reason it is just so...

i shall always believe, tk

clean slate...

i wrote before...  it got ugly, sarcastic and bitter...  so i stopped.  i stopped for two whole years, maybe a post here and there, but nothing of substance and depth.  the breakup that brought on my writing ran its course, i healed...  well, at least i healed from that particular instance of heartbreak.  i still brood and i still hurt more than your regular person, and i need to get it out at times...  so maybe, i'll pick up my writing again.  but instead of allowing it to turn bitter and caustic, i'll stick with sharing the beauty that i see in the world and people thru my pictures and words.  i call those lucky shots PoDs (picture of the day).  when i catch them, i feel accomplished somewhat, like the day was not completely gone without a trace.

 

everything is brighter and fresher after the storm... storms  happen... you don't cause them, usually, but you deal with the consequences and sometimes destruction.  you brace for them, live thru them, and rebuild what they destroy... i'm weathering thru a storm right now, i see the break in the clouds, i know it's almost over, and i hope i'll emerge from it a brighter, stronger and better person. 

enjoy the pictures!

love, tk